last night, i went grocery shopping with my mom and i started tearing up. why? because i thought about how this is going to one of the last times i will be able to go grocery shopping with my mom. okay, so i'm exaggerating. i still have 10 (?) months of grocery shopping with her left, but i knowwww its gonna go by in a jiffffy.
and for those of you who don't know, i'm very close to my mother. well, we argue like all the time, but i try to spend a lot of time with her, especially with college coming soo soon. and what i consider as "mother-daughter time" is running errands with her on her days off (which are only 2 days out of the week, because my dad doesn't work anymore). and i feel like she's the only one who i have in this world, because my dad and i don't really get along so the only person who can really protect me from anything is my mom.
i can't believe i'm saying this, but i think i might already be homesick. for the past couple of weeks, i've been just wanting to stay at home, because i know it's never gonna be the same after i leave. because soon after i graduate, i'm gonna leave for college. then i'm gonna graduate from college four years later (HOPEFULLY, that is. but to be honest, it doesn't seem very likely, especially with all the recent budget cuts -___-), and then i'm gonna have a career of my own and have my own thing going on, and eventually get married and have kids.. and i feel like i'm not going to have any time for my mom in between any of that.
i really don't like saying this, because it makes me sound selfish, but i don't like my mom working. because that takes away time from us and i feel like i don't see her enough, like how much i used to. i used to be sick of seeing her everyday afterschool, but now i miss it soooo much. because it's nice knowing that i'll have a ride home from school everyday, that they'll be REAL food on the table, and how she used to take me wherever i needed to be and would pay for my school stuff.. now it's my dad at home and it's just not the same. i don't know how i'm gonna get home everyday, because he takes off on trips soooo much, and the only food on the table is microwaved shit my mom made either the night before or in the morning. and i can't seem to ask my dad for anything because he always gives me a hard time about stuff. you would think that now that my dad doesn't work anymore, he would have more time for his kids, but it's the complete opposite of that. if anything, he'll make time for tommy, but he's hardly there for tony and i..
blahh i'm starting to cry. haha. and sometimes, i'm afraid she'll get into a car accident coming home from work or something.. she doesn't work that far, she works in san dimas. but idk i get so scared and paranoid. especially when she works late and doesn't answer her phone.
i remember one night after her and my dad got into a fight, she left for a looong time and didn't come home. i was crying like a baby while she was gone. and when she came home with the paper i needed for school, i hit her. LOL i think it was because it was during my rebellious stage in middle school and i didn't wanna show her that i loved her. a year later, i slapped her during the 8th grade, on the way to school one morning. i've never seen her fall apart so easily before, she started crying and didn't let me go to school that day. it wasn't too long after my grandma died so i guess it was overwhelming for her.. that was also the last day i cut myself. yesss, i used to cut myself, stfu. haha. i'm low key emo. lololol
but things have changed SOOOO much since middle school. okaaay it was kinda tough my freshman year, but sophomore, junior, and finally, senior year, i slowly started to show how much i really do love my mom. 2009 has been a good year, i've showed my mom how much i appreciate her waaay more this year than any other time. don't get me wrong, our relationship isn't perfect, but it's improved from 2005.
and our relationship just keeps getting better and better.. this week has, by far, been amazing to us. my mom is the loudest, most stubborn, most obnoxious woman alive, yet i've never met anyone with such a kind heart that's willing to love and forgive anyone. she's risked almost everything by coming here to start a new future for my brothers and i, and i know i would never be able to do that. i'll be lucky if i end up half the strong and motivated woman she is.
she's trying so hard to convince me to stay home for college. and for all those reasons i've listed above are all the reasons i want to stay. the only reasons why i want to stay.
but i want to go to san francisco so bad. lol. and believe me, i have my reasons for going.. but NONE of them nearly compare to my mom.
this kindasorta suckkks.
xoxo, josie.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
this probably doesn't make sensee
heyyy!
i haven't blogged in the longest time, sorry guys! well, sorry to those who actually take the time to read this ish' haha.
so i started school about a month ago, senior year's been fun ;] i'm kinda pissedd, it's been a month into school and i still haven't hooked up with anyone yet -_- but it's okay, haha. anyways, when school first started, i was depressed all the time. it was because this year, i chose to take a zero period (its called first period at chs -__-) and so i leave at lunch. and i felt that since i leave so early, i was drifting away from friends. i admit, i was so anti social the first few weeks of school; i went home right at lunch, and i never talked to my friends, not unless i had to. but now, i'm talking to more people.
but honestly.. i think the reason why i'm starting to socialize more is because i'm having so many problems at home. my dad's been more irritable lately, so everything my brothers and i do, he gets mad at. and the stupid thing is that he waits until my mom get home and he rants on about how horrible we are. which isn't fair to my mom; she works almost 12 hours a day, and the last thing she needs is my dad bitching and complaining. also, my mom's really upset that i want to attend san francisco state next fall. but she doesn't understand that it really is my dream school, and i will do just about anything to go there. but sometimes i don't know if i really wanna go there. just because i'm going to be away from all my friends and i feel as if i'm gonna miss out on so much. like last saturday, i was at the trung thu festival at pomona and i saw soo many people, and i kept thinking about how i would miss out on this next year.
so lately i've also been super tired! i went to the doctor's yesterday to talk about my lab results with my doctor (who's name i can' t pronounce haha) and it turns out my hormone levels are all messed up, because i haven't been taking my thyroid medication regularly lately. so it messed up my sleeping pattern and supposedly it messed up my period too, but my period's been regular since june so idk what he's talking about. haha. so he increased my dosage so i'm supposed to be all bettttter by december (:
oh, and i'm not going to homecoming this year. not at chs at least! i'm either going to montclair's or pomona's. i'd rather go to pomona's, since their's is at coco palm! but i think i'm going to montclair's, because tiff's going (: i can't wait to go dress shopping!
and the part you guys have allllll beeeen waiting forr.. BOYS! haha. well as you guys read up there, i haven't hooked up with anyone yet -__- but it's okay. anywayss, another reason why i was so depressed when school first started was that a couple of weeks into school, a guy that i was starting to like again kinda just erased me from my life. he texted me saying that he wanted nothing to do with me anymore, because he got back with his ex girlfriend (and i hear now that they are broken up yet again). and it honestly hurt, i didn't think he meant that much to me. and on saturday, i saw him at trung thu. and i thought it would be awkward so i kept my dsitance from him. but then at the end of the night, somehow we bumped into each other and started talking. and i still have his number and some days i'll be tempted to text him, but i'm soooo afraid of rejection so i don't want to.. but it sucks not being in control.
but yeah that's it haha. i'll try to remember to blog moree.. k byye!
i haven't blogged in the longest time, sorry guys! well, sorry to those who actually take the time to read this ish' haha.
so i started school about a month ago, senior year's been fun ;] i'm kinda pissedd, it's been a month into school and i still haven't hooked up with anyone yet -_- but it's okay, haha. anyways, when school first started, i was depressed all the time. it was because this year, i chose to take a zero period (its called first period at chs -__-) and so i leave at lunch. and i felt that since i leave so early, i was drifting away from friends. i admit, i was so anti social the first few weeks of school; i went home right at lunch, and i never talked to my friends, not unless i had to. but now, i'm talking to more people.
but honestly.. i think the reason why i'm starting to socialize more is because i'm having so many problems at home. my dad's been more irritable lately, so everything my brothers and i do, he gets mad at. and the stupid thing is that he waits until my mom get home and he rants on about how horrible we are. which isn't fair to my mom; she works almost 12 hours a day, and the last thing she needs is my dad bitching and complaining. also, my mom's really upset that i want to attend san francisco state next fall. but she doesn't understand that it really is my dream school, and i will do just about anything to go there. but sometimes i don't know if i really wanna go there. just because i'm going to be away from all my friends and i feel as if i'm gonna miss out on so much. like last saturday, i was at the trung thu festival at pomona and i saw soo many people, and i kept thinking about how i would miss out on this next year.
so lately i've also been super tired! i went to the doctor's yesterday to talk about my lab results with my doctor (who's name i can' t pronounce haha) and it turns out my hormone levels are all messed up, because i haven't been taking my thyroid medication regularly lately. so it messed up my sleeping pattern and supposedly it messed up my period too, but my period's been regular since june so idk what he's talking about. haha. so he increased my dosage so i'm supposed to be all bettttter by december (:
oh, and i'm not going to homecoming this year. not at chs at least! i'm either going to montclair's or pomona's. i'd rather go to pomona's, since their's is at coco palm! but i think i'm going to montclair's, because tiff's going (: i can't wait to go dress shopping!
and the part you guys have allllll beeeen waiting forr.. BOYS! haha. well as you guys read up there, i haven't hooked up with anyone yet -__- but it's okay. anywayss, another reason why i was so depressed when school first started was that a couple of weeks into school, a guy that i was starting to like again kinda just erased me from my life. he texted me saying that he wanted nothing to do with me anymore, because he got back with his ex girlfriend (and i hear now that they are broken up yet again). and it honestly hurt, i didn't think he meant that much to me. and on saturday, i saw him at trung thu. and i thought it would be awkward so i kept my dsitance from him. but then at the end of the night, somehow we bumped into each other and started talking. and i still have his number and some days i'll be tempted to text him, but i'm soooo afraid of rejection so i don't want to.. but it sucks not being in control.
but yeah that's it haha. i'll try to remember to blog moree.. k byye!
Monday, August 17, 2009
FUCK YOU
i love how you said you're not who you were anymore. could've grown a fucken pair and said it straight to my face: you're over me.
we're over
we're over
we're over
we're over
we're over..
but it won't go through my head..
STILL stuck on stupid.
fml, josie.
we're over
we're over
we're over
we're over
we're over..
but it won't go through my head..
STILL stuck on stupid.
fml, josie.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
yeah
"it's only a front." nothing BUT a front.
but just for the record, i think i'm ready to let that barrier down.
xoxo, josie.
but just for the record, i think i'm ready to let that barrier down.
xoxo, josie.
Monday, August 3, 2009
idk why
tonight's been really depressing. i had a good afternoon though - i hung out with trung, dang, kevin and tiffany.. oh and tommy. we went bowling and mix bowl afterwards. it wasn't until a couple of hours ago where i've been emotional.
usually she will be loved by maroon 5 puts me in a good mood, but it's different tonight. i keep playing it over and over again, and it makes me wanna cry more and more everytime. i had a high for a couple of seconds though; when my mom said she'd take my brother and me to the shoppes tomorrow on her day off.
and last night.. was when i realized that i do love my dad. i was getting worried by the fact that he wouldn't answer anyone's phone calls and wouldn't call anyone back. i was scared that something had happened to him. as much as i say i hate him, i do love him.. i just have a hard time expressing it because i've always had this weird fear with him loving me back, but in the wrong way. i think it's because of the way he's looked at me the past several years - a menacing look with eyes full of scorn and sexual intimacy. and i think that's the reason why i find it difficult communicating with him.. which explains why we don't the best relationship around.
oh and i hate acting on my emotions.. whenever i'm pissed off, i'm pissed at EVERYONE. i always manage to find something negative about the person, whether if it's happened recently or if it's happened forever ago.
MAAAAAAN, FML.
usually she will be loved by maroon 5 puts me in a good mood, but it's different tonight. i keep playing it over and over again, and it makes me wanna cry more and more everytime. i had a high for a couple of seconds though; when my mom said she'd take my brother and me to the shoppes tomorrow on her day off.
and last night.. was when i realized that i do love my dad. i was getting worried by the fact that he wouldn't answer anyone's phone calls and wouldn't call anyone back. i was scared that something had happened to him. as much as i say i hate him, i do love him.. i just have a hard time expressing it because i've always had this weird fear with him loving me back, but in the wrong way. i think it's because of the way he's looked at me the past several years - a menacing look with eyes full of scorn and sexual intimacy. and i think that's the reason why i find it difficult communicating with him.. which explains why we don't the best relationship around.
oh and i hate acting on my emotions.. whenever i'm pissed off, i'm pissed at EVERYONE. i always manage to find something negative about the person, whether if it's happened recently or if it's happened forever ago.
MAAAAAAN, FML.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
oh golllllllly
even after all this time, i still can't get over you.
fml
fml
fml
!!!!
i'm trying, i swear.
fml
fml
fml
!!!!
i'm trying, i swear.
Monday, July 27, 2009
because i was pmsing.
so me and melisa were reading this... and we couldn't help but talk shit. -____-
16 REASONS.
you HAVE to read all of them and if you don't you're going to come across problems in you're relationship for the next month!
1) Guys may be flirting around all day, but before they go to sleep they always think about the girl they truly care about.
josie: bullshit.
melisa: yeah, maybe they'll think about the hottest one but its not actually like they care about who they are; its not like love at first sight.
2) Guys are more emotional then you think if they loved you at one point it takes them a lot longer then you think to let you go, and it hurts every second that they aren't with you.
josie: BULLSHIT!!!!!!
melisa: ....until they hit the stripper bar a week later
3) Guys go crazy over a girl's smile (:
josie: okay i admit that isn't bullshit.
melisa: meh.. i don't know. maybe they'll notice the smile after the boobs
4) A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to.
josie: controlling, selfish bitches.
melisa: conceited, controlling, selfish bitches.
5) Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what uh...never mind....." would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking and he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll obsess about it trying to figure it out.
josie: good.
melisa: and yes, we love doing that.
6) If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. you don't need to give advice.
josie: and a quickie!
melisa: i think most of the time they fake problems so they can seem like the sensitive type
7) A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.
josie: orrrrrr.. maybe he just wants some.
melisa: exactly.
8) GUYS LOVE YOU MORE THEN YOU LOVE THEM!
josie: sike.
melisa: bullshit.
9) Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. They rarely usebeautiful or gorgeous. If a guy uses that, he loves you or likes you a whole heck of a lot.
josie: WOOOOW, i'm not even going to say anything -__-
melisa: they're faking it
10) If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with you.
josie: eh
melisa: so will we, stupid.
11) When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something
josie: he's feenin' it.
melisa: he's mentally undressing you, duh.
12)A guy would give the world to be able to read a girl's mind for a day
josie: okaaaay, girls would give the world to be able to read a boy's mind for a day, too.
melisa: the only one that's true. just so they can know right away if they can get any.
13)No guy can handle all his problems on his own. He's just too stubborn to admit it
josie: eh
melisa: because guys ARE stubborn.
14)NOT ALL GUYS ARE RUDE! Just because ONE is RUDE doesn't mean he represents ALL of them
josie & melisa: yes they are.
15) WHEN A GUY SACRIFICES HIS SLEEP AND HEALTH JUST TO TALK TO YOU, HE REALLY LIKES YOU AND WANTS TO BE WITH YOU AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE
josie: haha that's nice.
melisa: you mean he really wants some pussaaaaay.
16) Even if you dump a guy months ago and he loved you he probably still does and if he had one wish it would be you to come back into his life
josie: only because they haven't been getting any
melisa: hey don't take mine!
-Everything said in this bulletin is true
yeah....not really.
16 REASONS.
you HAVE to read all of them and if you don't you're going to come across problems in you're relationship for the next month!
1) Guys may be flirting around all day, but before they go to sleep they always think about the girl they truly care about.
josie: bullshit.
melisa: yeah, maybe they'll think about the hottest one but its not actually like they care about who they are; its not like love at first sight.
2) Guys are more emotional then you think if they loved you at one point it takes them a lot longer then you think to let you go, and it hurts every second that they aren't with you.
josie: BULLSHIT!!!!!!
melisa: ....until they hit the stripper bar a week later
3) Guys go crazy over a girl's smile (:
josie: okay i admit that isn't bullshit.
melisa: meh.. i don't know. maybe they'll notice the smile after the boobs
4) A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to.
josie: controlling, selfish bitches.
melisa: conceited, controlling, selfish bitches.
5) Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what uh...never mind....." would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking and he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll obsess about it trying to figure it out.
josie: good.
melisa: and yes, we love doing that.
6) If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. you don't need to give advice.
josie: and a quickie!
melisa: i think most of the time they fake problems so they can seem like the sensitive type
7) A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.
josie: orrrrrr.. maybe he just wants some.
melisa: exactly.
8) GUYS LOVE YOU MORE THEN YOU LOVE THEM!
josie: sike.
melisa: bullshit.
9) Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. They rarely usebeautiful or gorgeous. If a guy uses that, he loves you or likes you a whole heck of a lot.
josie: WOOOOW, i'm not even going to say anything -__-
melisa: they're faking it
10) If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with you.
josie: eh
melisa: so will we, stupid.
11) When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something
josie: he's feenin' it.
melisa: he's mentally undressing you, duh.
12)A guy would give the world to be able to read a girl's mind for a day
josie: okaaaay, girls would give the world to be able to read a boy's mind for a day, too.
melisa: the only one that's true. just so they can know right away if they can get any.
13)No guy can handle all his problems on his own. He's just too stubborn to admit it
josie: eh
melisa: because guys ARE stubborn.
14)NOT ALL GUYS ARE RUDE! Just because ONE is RUDE doesn't mean he represents ALL of them
josie & melisa: yes they are.
15) WHEN A GUY SACRIFICES HIS SLEEP AND HEALTH JUST TO TALK TO YOU, HE REALLY LIKES YOU AND WANTS TO BE WITH YOU AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE
josie: haha that's nice.
melisa: you mean he really wants some pussaaaaay.
16) Even if you dump a guy months ago and he loved you he probably still does and if he had one wish it would be you to come back into his life
josie: only because they haven't been getting any
melisa: hey don't take mine!
-Everything said in this bulletin is true
yeah....not really.
Monday, July 13, 2009
why do i keep breaking everything? so in the past 3 days i have broken:
my phone
my bed
and my blinds
and this computer desk lol (the little thing for the keyboard came sliding off and it gave me a booboo)
my dad fixed my bed and blinds for me, but my phone is broken and my mom won't give me hers ]: stupid cunt. i'm so pissed right now. and that's not the only reason why. you were fucking 10 minutes away from me, and you couldn't drop off my shit. honestly, that's not what got me mad. but what did was the fact that you were out after you said how you were tired.
it's not okay, despite what i said. i'm just too nice.
anyways, this past weekend was nice [:
on friday, it was theresa's birthday party. we watched transformers, ate watered-down spaghetti, had a nice fruitcake, and played card games. haha. i've never played mafia before. and then after everyone left to choir practice, tiffany and i stayed at theresa's and cleaned her room for her [:
the next day, saturday, i had the house to myself. mike tranny came over and kept me company. he's so funny haha. we went to get free slurpees at 7-11 and then we came back to my house and i scared the shit out of him! hahahahaha<3 we watched a bit of one missed call before i had to leave to my behind the wheel lesson. driving is overwhelming! gosh, i sound like a kid. but it was fun. i kept looking at the speedometer, i didn't concentrate much of the road. my instructor was very friendly and patient. afterwards, i went home and tried to have an all nighter with kirk but i fell asleep snoring. hahahaha
sunday. indah's birthday. the day i broke my phone. at first i didn't really wanna go because i didn't want to get ready but i forced myself to start putting my makeup on. then i met up with david at vg and walked around FOREVER until indah and her friends showed up. the dinner was nice, i missed the surprise! then we walked around until mi madre picked me up.
i'll talk more about stuff later, i guess i didn't feel like venting after all. gonna play uno with kirk, bye!
my phone
my bed
and my blinds
and this computer desk lol (the little thing for the keyboard came sliding off and it gave me a booboo)
my dad fixed my bed and blinds for me, but my phone is broken and my mom won't give me hers ]: stupid cunt. i'm so pissed right now. and that's not the only reason why. you were fucking 10 minutes away from me, and you couldn't drop off my shit. honestly, that's not what got me mad. but what did was the fact that you were out after you said how you were tired.
it's not okay, despite what i said. i'm just too nice.
anyways, this past weekend was nice [:
on friday, it was theresa's birthday party. we watched transformers, ate watered-down spaghetti, had a nice fruitcake, and played card games. haha. i've never played mafia before. and then after everyone left to choir practice, tiffany and i stayed at theresa's and cleaned her room for her [:
the next day, saturday, i had the house to myself. mike tranny came over and kept me company. he's so funny haha. we went to get free slurpees at 7-11 and then we came back to my house and i scared the shit out of him! hahahahaha<3 we watched a bit of one missed call before i had to leave to my behind the wheel lesson. driving is overwhelming! gosh, i sound like a kid. but it was fun. i kept looking at the speedometer, i didn't concentrate much of the road. my instructor was very friendly and patient. afterwards, i went home and tried to have an all nighter with kirk but i fell asleep snoring. hahahaha
sunday. indah's birthday. the day i broke my phone. at first i didn't really wanna go because i didn't want to get ready but i forced myself to start putting my makeup on. then i met up with david at vg and walked around FOREVER until indah and her friends showed up. the dinner was nice, i missed the surprise! then we walked around until mi madre picked me up.
i'll talk more about stuff later, i guess i didn't feel like venting after all. gonna play uno with kirk, bye!
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
wow!
i love being busy and keeping myself occupied! so far this week i have:
today: going over to lisa's to help her clean once again
thursday: beach!
friday: theresa's birthday party
saturday: tennis (?) and first behind the wheel!
sunday: indah's birthday dinner at kabuki
monday: bowling
tuesday - thursday: corina's birthday at huntington
saturday: movie nights for me and anh's birthday
& i already scheduled an appointment for my senior portrait!
YAY, I LOVE MY LIFE<3
xoxo, josie
today: going over to lisa's to help her clean once again
thursday: beach!
friday: theresa's birthday party
saturday: tennis (?) and first behind the wheel!
sunday: indah's birthday dinner at kabuki
monday: bowling
tuesday - thursday: corina's birthday at huntington
saturday: movie nights for me and anh's birthday
& i already scheduled an appointment for my senior portrait!
YAY, I LOVE MY LIFE<3
xoxo, josie
Sunday, July 5, 2009
TO DO LIST.
while i'm waiting for the first episode EVER of one tree hill to load, i have compiled together a to do list for this summer:
-drive more
-watch all seasons of one tree hill
-watch all seasons of gossip girl
-watch all seasons of 90210
-dinner with the mains
-attend Indah's birthday at Kabuki @ VG.
-plan mine and Anh's birthday (July 18 & July 24)
-schedule senior portrait
-START WAR AND PEACE! & summer assignment for AP lit :[
-spend more time with family (especially before Lisa leaves)
-continue waking up before 9
-bike more, loose weight
-get better at tennis
-attend Corina's birthday (July 14-16)
-bike with Tiffany
-plan more movie nights
-cook more dinners with the mains
-spend more time with Pomona girls<33
-start volunteering somewhere..
-take brothers out more
-learn to cook more
-read more books!
-more shopping, throw out old clothes
-but spend less $$$$
-spend more time with mommy on tuesdays<3
-better relationship with father
-go to oakland
-go clubbing
-have a yard sale
-drink less lol
so far.. that's it. july just started, but i feel like this summer's gonna be biiiig.
xoxo, josie
-drive more
-watch all seasons of one tree hill
-watch all seasons of gossip girl
-watch all seasons of 90210
-dinner with the mains
-attend Indah's birthday at Kabuki @ VG.
-plan mine and Anh's birthday (July 18 & July 24)
-schedule senior portrait
-START WAR AND PEACE! & summer assignment for AP lit :[
-spend more time with family (especially before Lisa leaves)
-continue waking up before 9
-bike more, loose weight
-get better at tennis
-attend Corina's birthday (July 14-16)
-bike with Tiffany
-plan more movie nights
-cook more dinners with the mains
-spend more time with Pomona girls<33
-start volunteering somewhere..
-take brothers out more
-learn to cook more
-read more books!
-more shopping, throw out old clothes
-but spend less $$$$
-spend more time with mommy on tuesdays<3
-better relationship with father
-go to oakland
-go clubbing
-have a yard sale
-drink less lol
so far.. that's it. july just started, but i feel like this summer's gonna be biiiig.
xoxo, josie
Thursday, July 2, 2009
:)
for the first time in many months, i think i can say that i'm free from being emotionally casted upon a guy :) feeeeeeeels goooooood, bahahaha. thank you to those who stuck by through such hard times; offered me advice, let me cry and lent a shoulder to cry on, or just listened to me vent. thank you for all the dinners, movie nights, bowling days, hang out seshes, and even those little phone calls that helped me get through the day. and though sometimes i get nostalgic, it's nowhere near as bad as how it used to be.
xoxo, josie.
xoxo, josie.
Monday, June 29, 2009
relationshps
i was thinking about relationships earlier.. like i look at couples and i see how they're so lovey dovey with each other, but yet they still act like friends; best friends for the matter. why is it that when i think back to my last relationship i didn't see any of that? and the sad thing is that i can't imagine myself managing a healthy balance between a physical and mental relationship. maybe because in the past, whenever i've liked guys it was always in the emotional state, and i grew too comfortable with them to the point where if i got physical with them in the least bit, i got disgusted. and here i am, always complaining about never finding a good guy.. is it really me that is at fault? or maybe i just haven't found someone who is willing to be committed to both elements of a health relationship. or maybe i just ask for too much. but shouldn't i expect a lot? instead of ending up with some low-life creep.. right? why do i question myself so much -__-
i always push the good guys away.
xoxo, josie.
i always push the good guys away.
xoxo, josie.
Friday, June 19, 2009
uhm
cheers to a summer with nothing but good, clean fun with my favorite girls.
i swear, no more hooking up, no more boys.
anyways, thank you to ANH PHUONG PHAM and TRUC TIFFANY NGUYEN! for slowly helping me get through this.. you two are the sweetest girls alive and i love you both so dearly <3
don't forget, dinner and movies at my place tomorrow!
xoxo, josie
ps- i'm going to start wearing less makeup. it's taking too long to get ready in the morning.. nigga just you watch -_-
i swear, no more hooking up, no more boys.
anyways, thank you to ANH PHUONG PHAM and TRUC TIFFANY NGUYEN! for slowly helping me get through this.. you two are the sweetest girls alive and i love you both so dearly <3
don't forget, dinner and movies at my place tomorrow!
xoxo, josie
ps- i'm going to start wearing less makeup. it's taking too long to get ready in the morning.. nigga just you watch -_-
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
at brogan's
so brogan and melisa are in her room, waiting for her phone to charge.. then we're gonna go to melisa's and make mocha freezes :)
brogan and i were talking just now. we had this long, serious conversation about guys. how they're so sweet to you at first, and as soon as they know you're wrapped around the tip of your finger, they immediately drop the act. she talked about eddie and jairo; and i talked about.. yeah. i love how she covers up herself, how she acts so strong, like no one gets to her. but then when we really get talking, you know right away she's just a girl. who gets hurt over little things that the boys we like do. she went on a little about how much of an asshole eddie is. and i don't even know the nigga, but i've heard SO much about him in the past year, i'm about ready to kill the bitch. anyway.. then i went on a little about.. yeah. i kept bitching and moaning about how badly i wanna talk to him, even though i know that if i do i'm just going to cuss him out. but.. as feeble and pitiful as this sounds, i just want to hear his voice. see how desperate i've gotten? i mean really, i guess i've just got to stay strong and get through this, after all, i've been able to get through it before.
then we went on a little bit about boyfriends. how she's afraid of rejection; so am i. that's honestly my biggest fear in life, along with failure. and rejection doesn't limit at just boys. it can be with school, family, friends.. which is why brogan hasn't had a boyfriend. but honestly, she's gorgeous, and with that, she has a great personality. eddie was a fool not to choose her. instead, he chose some fat bitch, who's being played! anyway, she also added how she was surprised how quickly i got over tommy. haha, it's because i didn't give a fuck about him. yeahh..
anyway, i don't even know if i'm going to oakland this weekend. my mom said that she doesn't want me to go because i have school on monday and she thinks that i'm going to stay home because i'm tired or sick or something. and i'm like kjdhf;ldf;kadjladslfjasdf. i was so pissed. i wanna see anthony so bad, it's not even funny anymore. i haven't seen him since february! i miss the shit out of that fucker.
anyway, were going back to melisa's now to make our freezes. haha :) i love my pomona friends.
brogan estelle mullen - "don't give in. because if you do, whatever you said, didn't mean anything."
xoxo, josie.
ps- "it better say something about how much you love me in that blog" - melisa. hahahaha
pps- I GOT MY PERMIT BITCHES! :D
brogan and i were talking just now. we had this long, serious conversation about guys. how they're so sweet to you at first, and as soon as they know you're wrapped around the tip of your finger, they immediately drop the act. she talked about eddie and jairo; and i talked about.. yeah. i love how she covers up herself, how she acts so strong, like no one gets to her. but then when we really get talking, you know right away she's just a girl. who gets hurt over little things that the boys we like do. she went on a little about how much of an asshole eddie is. and i don't even know the nigga, but i've heard SO much about him in the past year, i'm about ready to kill the bitch. anyway.. then i went on a little about.. yeah. i kept bitching and moaning about how badly i wanna talk to him, even though i know that if i do i'm just going to cuss him out. but.. as feeble and pitiful as this sounds, i just want to hear his voice. see how desperate i've gotten? i mean really, i guess i've just got to stay strong and get through this, after all, i've been able to get through it before.
then we went on a little bit about boyfriends. how she's afraid of rejection; so am i. that's honestly my biggest fear in life, along with failure. and rejection doesn't limit at just boys. it can be with school, family, friends.. which is why brogan hasn't had a boyfriend. but honestly, she's gorgeous, and with that, she has a great personality. eddie was a fool not to choose her. instead, he chose some fat bitch, who's being played! anyway, she also added how she was surprised how quickly i got over tommy. haha, it's because i didn't give a fuck about him. yeahh..
anyway, i don't even know if i'm going to oakland this weekend. my mom said that she doesn't want me to go because i have school on monday and she thinks that i'm going to stay home because i'm tired or sick or something. and i'm like kjdhf;ldf;kadjladslfjasdf. i was so pissed. i wanna see anthony so bad, it's not even funny anymore. i haven't seen him since february! i miss the shit out of that fucker.
anyway, were going back to melisa's now to make our freezes. haha :) i love my pomona friends.
brogan estelle mullen - "don't give in. because if you do, whatever you said, didn't mean anything."
xoxo, josie.
ps- "it better say something about how much you love me in that blog" - melisa. hahahaha
pps- I GOT MY PERMIT BITCHES! :D
OH WOW
i'm reading all my old blogs about him. i feel pretty dumb, hahaha. you are THE COMPLETE opposite of who i thought you were. thanks for lying to me.
xoxo, josie.
xoxo, josie.
Monday, June 15, 2009
FUCK MY LIFE.
and as i'm writing this i'm crying. omfg i haven't been this hurt about anyone in sooooooo long. i don't remember the last time i've felt this unbearable feeling.. i can't remember the last time i felt so emotionally dependant on a guy :[ like it's not like all the other, where i'll be like, wow i want him. but this is different; i actually NEED this.
i know a lot of people are getting tired of me moping around this guy (who doesn't care about me, and just looks at me as someone to hook up with) but omg.. i'm so pathetic.. he's never ever going to wnat me in that way and i don't understand why that doesn't hit me. that he doens't want me. that he's only going to look at me as bootycall.. no one who will ever be serious enough for him.
i know a lot of people are getting tired of me moping around this guy (who doesn't care about me, and just looks at me as someone to hook up with) but omg.. i'm so pathetic.. he's never ever going to wnat me in that way and i don't understand why that doesn't hit me. that he doens't want me. that he's only going to look at me as bootycall.. no one who will ever be serious enough for him.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
>:[
i'm at melisa's and she's sleeping -_- i'm ridiculously tired, i wanna go home so i can shower and get this stupid smell off of me >:[
i'm so fed up with this.
more than fed up.
fuck this.
i'm so fed up with this.
more than fed up.
fuck this.
last day
last day was today. i didn't even go to my apush final, i hung out with adam (: and then walked around with my girls until christian came to pick me up. we watched twilight and then went to sanamluang. and he dropped me off at mi casa. and now i think i'm gonna take a nap and head over to melisa's and have a girls' night in with her and brogan (:<3
wait change of plans.. i'm going over to brogan's right now, SHE'S FEEDING ME :D
summer's starting off just dandy!
i'll update when i come home tonight<3
Saturday, June 6, 2009
at tiffany's
i don't usually like to rant about my day, but there's nothing that i wanna talk about specifically. so yeah TODAY. lol
today's been pretty hectic, with SAT's and all. left my house around 6:45 and got to tiffany's around 7 and had breakfast here. checked in at damien at about 8 and didn't get settled in until 9. got out at 1 (i did SOOO bad). and then tommy picked up theresa, tiffany, and me and we ate at wingstop in san dimas, i believe. his driving is INSANE -___- but i guess we had fun, lol. he took off his steering wheel! HAHAH tiffany and i were freaking out in the back, and theresa was all pissy. haha they're a cute couple.
then we kinda chilled at tiff's for a little before heading to OLA. i never realized how many people form claremont actually attended there for the evening mass, other than the vietnamese community that usually go for the sunday morning masses. then i get a tweet from indah saying how she's gonna be in pomona! but i'm going to be at tiff's for a while tonight since theresa's mom is my ride home, and we're all having pho tonight :)
so basically, all left for tonight is that indah might come over after i get home, since she's gonna be in pomona! :D
i'm glad that i'm finally picking up the friendships that have been slipping out between the cracks of my fingers in the past couple of weeks, because i've been so stressed with school and all. i finally finished my ap comp research paper (12 pages, wsup!) including my visual, and it looks decent, for once. and my group finished our apush final, the video documentary, that we spent so much time on, and i'm very proud of it :) all that's left is presentations. and my senioritis has reached an all time high; i ditched at least one period everyday last week. on friday, i didn't go to third or fifth friday.
yeah so that was weekend thus far!
<3>
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
wow
i seriously hate sprankle with a passion right now, that's all tiara, spencer, and i kept talking about today.
it's 11:27 and i'm still at tiara's trying to put together the video -____________-
at least tomorrow's wednesday..
xoxoxoxoxoxxox and lots of cofffee, josie.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
sunday nights,
GERONTOPHOBIA - the fear of growing up.
what a boring day. my little brother made me promise that i would be home by the time he came back from temple so we can build another house in the living room. i'm glad he enjoyed himself last night, when we made a "house" out of blankets, pillows, and chairs. lately, i've been missing my childhood more and more. i remember trying to be peter pan (i think i attempted flying by jumping off a table). remember when dreamcast was the shit? or when scraping your knee on the playground was on a regular basis? or when waking up on saturday mornings looking forward to cartoons and cinamon toast crunch?
okay, maybe some of us still enjoy that last luxury, but many of us are preparing for SAT's, ACT's, and the reality of the life after our 18th birthday. myself included. but i can never forget my past that exists as nothing but a mere memory that i could never bring myself to erase.
one memory that i have always been fond of was the summer i turned 13. a blissful time it was. the warm summer breeze wrapped upon serenity, jubilance, and my first teenage love. i was intoxicated by the fact that someone had finally had the same feelings i had for them, and cared for me just as much as i did. even to this day, i don't think i will ever develop feelings as strong as i had developed for him.
and as the tables turn, i will one day be as old as my parents, my parents as my grandparents, and my grandparents, well.. you know. haha. my mother: my source of love. my younger brothers: my source of happiness. at this point, i don't want to have ANY similiar traits as my dad does at this time and age. ignorant bastard, a good-for-nothing husband and father, who sits at home and does nothing. his greatest pride and joy would probably be his new television set in this empty room in my house.
"The old forget. The young don't know."
xoxo, josie.
what a boring day. my little brother made me promise that i would be home by the time he came back from temple so we can build another house in the living room. i'm glad he enjoyed himself last night, when we made a "house" out of blankets, pillows, and chairs. lately, i've been missing my childhood more and more. i remember trying to be peter pan (i think i attempted flying by jumping off a table). remember when dreamcast was the shit? or when scraping your knee on the playground was on a regular basis? or when waking up on saturday mornings looking forward to cartoons and cinamon toast crunch?
okay, maybe some of us still enjoy that last luxury, but many of us are preparing for SAT's, ACT's, and the reality of the life after our 18th birthday. myself included. but i can never forget my past that exists as nothing but a mere memory that i could never bring myself to erase.
one memory that i have always been fond of was the summer i turned 13. a blissful time it was. the warm summer breeze wrapped upon serenity, jubilance, and my first teenage love. i was intoxicated by the fact that someone had finally had the same feelings i had for them, and cared for me just as much as i did. even to this day, i don't think i will ever develop feelings as strong as i had developed for him.
and as the tables turn, i will one day be as old as my parents, my parents as my grandparents, and my grandparents, well.. you know. haha. my mother: my source of love. my younger brothers: my source of happiness. at this point, i don't want to have ANY similiar traits as my dad does at this time and age. ignorant bastard, a good-for-nothing husband and father, who sits at home and does nothing. his greatest pride and joy would probably be his new television set in this empty room in my house.
"The old forget. The young don't know."
xoxo, josie.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
little rant
what's wrong with me?
so is it just me, but guys are a bit too honest when it comes to their, uhm, feelings to me? it's not like i do anything to provoke them, i swear, i don't even touch them. but they are just waaaaay too direct with me. regarding my other girl friends, guys are never brutally honest with them as they are with me. i mean, i guess at one point, i liked that attention that they gave me, but now, with no elaboration, it repulses me.
however, i contradict myself. guys who are too innocent turn me off; they have no experience. but then on the contrary, guys who are so-called players also turn me off. and when it comes to guys in general, there's no middle; it's either one or the other.
on a different note, i like fake you are. with your expensive clothes and trying to be "popular." quite frankly, you're just trying to hard (just like sum yung ho). you act so hard but, when in reality, we all know how weak you simply are. and on top of that, you're a good-for-nothing impulsive liar. you manipulate people to the point to where they eventually ravel in to your bullshit. so go and pretend as if the world revolves around you. and while your at it, learn this: your money and material posessions will only take you so far in life..
which leads me up the next person.. you're a slut. honestly, i'm sorry for your boyfriend. your family. yourself. poor guy, he should've known karma would hit him hard.. your ass cheated on your ex to get with him. your family; you put them through so much of your shit, i'm surprised they have kicked your ass out yet. your own dad called you a slut and told your ex to leave you because he knows what kind of person you are. it's surprising, how different you are from your sister. yourself; GET A GRIP. learn to stop cheating, you have an amazing boyfriend who STILL took you back after you cheated on him with an acquantaince of mine (hey, and your stupid for doing that. you fucked up.) your going to end up nowhere in life. with that broken hip of yours! your gonna be a one-legged prostitute.. you should take a trip down to holt, hoe.
xoxo, josie
so is it just me, but guys are a bit too honest when it comes to their, uhm, feelings to me? it's not like i do anything to provoke them, i swear, i don't even touch them. but they are just waaaaay too direct with me. regarding my other girl friends, guys are never brutally honest with them as they are with me. i mean, i guess at one point, i liked that attention that they gave me, but now, with no elaboration, it repulses me.
however, i contradict myself. guys who are too innocent turn me off; they have no experience. but then on the contrary, guys who are so-called players also turn me off. and when it comes to guys in general, there's no middle; it's either one or the other.
on a different note, i like fake you are. with your expensive clothes and trying to be "popular." quite frankly, you're just trying to hard (just like sum yung ho). you act so hard but, when in reality, we all know how weak you simply are. and on top of that, you're a good-for-nothing impulsive liar. you manipulate people to the point to where they eventually ravel in to your bullshit. so go and pretend as if the world revolves around you. and while your at it, learn this: your money and material posessions will only take you so far in life..
which leads me up the next person.. you're a slut. honestly, i'm sorry for your boyfriend. your family. yourself. poor guy, he should've known karma would hit him hard.. your ass cheated on your ex to get with him. your family; you put them through so much of your shit, i'm surprised they have kicked your ass out yet. your own dad called you a slut and told your ex to leave you because he knows what kind of person you are. it's surprising, how different you are from your sister. yourself; GET A GRIP. learn to stop cheating, you have an amazing boyfriend who STILL took you back after you cheated on him with an acquantaince of mine (hey, and your stupid for doing that. you fucked up.) your going to end up nowhere in life. with that broken hip of yours! your gonna be a one-legged prostitute.. you should take a trip down to holt, hoe.
xoxo, josie
Sunday, May 24, 2009
didn't know
just a few things i've been needing to get off my chest for a while now..
i had a chance with you, it would've worked out better than your friend and i had. some people are just so impatient, i hate to say i'm one of them. i don't wait; in fact, i hate waiting. now, i regret not waiting. i knew that you were interested, i just didn't care. you were so nice to me, so sweet. i'm stupid, i should've WAITED. i was completely oblivious to the fact that you would've treated me way better. your friend was a jerk to me, you told me yourself to not "move so fast," and warned me about him.
so after an ex of mine broke up with me, my life as i knew it had completely annihilated, into little pieces that i couldn't pick up. i was distraught, lost, astrayed; i couldn't seem to find myself. i went to you first. even though, our friendship started off a bit weird, we grew from that. we grew to see each other has just friends. in the process of getting to know you, laughing at your jokes that don't make sense, listening to your wise advice, learning your fears and insecurities, somewhere in the middle, i fell in love with you.
it's funny how life works out.
xoxo, josie
i had a chance with you, it would've worked out better than your friend and i had. some people are just so impatient, i hate to say i'm one of them. i don't wait; in fact, i hate waiting. now, i regret not waiting. i knew that you were interested, i just didn't care. you were so nice to me, so sweet. i'm stupid, i should've WAITED. i was completely oblivious to the fact that you would've treated me way better. your friend was a jerk to me, you told me yourself to not "move so fast," and warned me about him.
so after an ex of mine broke up with me, my life as i knew it had completely annihilated, into little pieces that i couldn't pick up. i was distraught, lost, astrayed; i couldn't seem to find myself. i went to you first. even though, our friendship started off a bit weird, we grew from that. we grew to see each other has just friends. in the process of getting to know you, laughing at your jokes that don't make sense, listening to your wise advice, learning your fears and insecurities, somewhere in the middle, i fell in love with you.
it's funny how life works out.
xoxo, josie
Friday, May 22, 2009
quick update
it's been about cool minute since i've updated, it's been a while since i wrote a few lines.. but thanks for bearing with me, to those who actually read about my monotonous life.
a week ago. what an awful night. i spent the entire night tossing and turning, because i couldn't sleep. i remember crying unbelievably much, to the point to wear i was hoping and praying for something along to just kill me. mankind is so selfish; they act on impulse, without deeply contemplating the matter. ridiculous.
i've been talking so much shit about everyone lately. i'm getting agitated by the littlest things! everyone around me seems to have a negative accountability in everything they do and i always happen to take notice of their actions. there are only a few people who have yet to piss me off and i hope they don't. and at the same time, i'm losing touch with so many around me.. but quite aberrantly enough, i've been meeting more people lately. haha.
so there's this one girl, that i've known for a while. oh gosh, does she piss me off! i'm about ready to chew her head off. it's funny how she thinks she's the shit, when she's this fat slut, benighted by the players arond her! i loooove how she thinks she's so hot when she's got the fattest lips, fattest nose, and is the fattest girl (with no ass & tits) i've seen. UGLY ASS HOE. and i'm glad now, because other people think the same thing, so i'm not in this alone. >:[
ew, i'm heated just thinking about it. good night folks.
xoxo, josie!
a week ago. what an awful night. i spent the entire night tossing and turning, because i couldn't sleep. i remember crying unbelievably much, to the point to wear i was hoping and praying for something along to just kill me. mankind is so selfish; they act on impulse, without deeply contemplating the matter. ridiculous.
i've been talking so much shit about everyone lately. i'm getting agitated by the littlest things! everyone around me seems to have a negative accountability in everything they do and i always happen to take notice of their actions. there are only a few people who have yet to piss me off and i hope they don't. and at the same time, i'm losing touch with so many around me.. but quite aberrantly enough, i've been meeting more people lately. haha.
so there's this one girl, that i've known for a while. oh gosh, does she piss me off! i'm about ready to chew her head off. it's funny how she thinks she's the shit, when she's this fat slut, benighted by the players arond her! i loooove how she thinks she's so hot when she's got the fattest lips, fattest nose, and is the fattest girl (with no ass & tits) i've seen. UGLY ASS HOE. and i'm glad now, because other people think the same thing, so i'm not in this alone. >:[
ew, i'm heated just thinking about it. good night folks.
xoxo, josie!
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
YEAH..
i can't help but feel a little jealous :/ i mean, i've finally learned to move on.. but i still miss you.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
french tips.
i've been stuck in a dark hole of illusions for nearly three and half years now. flamboyant images from the past haunt me to this very day, and i can't seem to escape from a time of arrant happiness that will forever cease as a memory. i'm still irrevocably (know your vocab, Twilight lovers!) in love with you. my mind is entangled by this perfect teenage love that holds me back in my everyday actions. maybe one day, in the far future, our paths will be met again and you'll realize that you're just as in love with me as you were when things were perfect. but until then, i'll learn to wait patiently for something that i will never have at the tip of my finger again.. or i can just simply get over this and move the hell on.
after i wrote that last entry this morning, i went to take my morning shower. i looked at myself in the mirror. i was disgusted. i was disgusted by the fact that lately i've been lying so frequently to the few that love me, for me. my mother can't distinguish whether what i say is the truth or a lie, if i'm really reliable as i say i am. i haven't lied this much to her ever. i've been getting so caught up in hanging out with my friends and trying to have a good time, i've been forgetting about those who really matter-- my beloved family. however, i'm not blaming myself entirely. it'd be so much easier if the woman weren't so strict on me; then maybe that way i wouldn't have to lie to her as much. i cried myself to sleep last night because i was so fed up with myself on how i'm pushing the person who i love the most on the face of this planet away. i haven't cried so much in so long. i've been such a bitch to her, i'm picking the littlest fights with her over the littlest things. i miss my mommy.
"The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do."
xoxo, josie
after i wrote that last entry this morning, i went to take my morning shower. i looked at myself in the mirror. i was disgusted. i was disgusted by the fact that lately i've been lying so frequently to the few that love me, for me. my mother can't distinguish whether what i say is the truth or a lie, if i'm really reliable as i say i am. i haven't lied this much to her ever. i've been getting so caught up in hanging out with my friends and trying to have a good time, i've been forgetting about those who really matter-- my beloved family. however, i'm not blaming myself entirely. it'd be so much easier if the woman weren't so strict on me; then maybe that way i wouldn't have to lie to her as much. i cried myself to sleep last night because i was so fed up with myself on how i'm pushing the person who i love the most on the face of this planet away. i haven't cried so much in so long. i've been such a bitch to her, i'm picking the littlest fights with her over the littlest things. i miss my mommy.
"The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do."
xoxo, josie
saturday morning.
FOOLISH HEART - NINA
I need a love that grows
I don't want it unless I know
But with each passin' hour
Someone, somehow
Will be there, ready to share
I need a love that's strong
I'm so tired of being alone
But will my lonely heart
Play the part
Of the fool again, before I begin
Foolish heart, hear me calling
Stop before you start falling
Foolish heart, heed my warning
You've been wrong before
Don't be wrong anymore
I'm feelin' that feelin' again
I've been playin' a game I can't win
Love's knockin' on the door
Of my heart once more
Think I'll let him in
Before I begin
Foolish heart, hear me calling
Stop before, you start falling
Foolish heart, heed my warning
You've been wrong before
Don't be wrong anymore
Foolish heart
Foolish, foolish heart
You've been wrong before
Foolish heart, hear me calling
Stop before you start falling
Foolish heart, heed my warning
You've been wrong before
Don't be wrong anymore
Foolish heart
Oh foolish
foolish heart
You've been wrong before
Foolish
foolish heart
Foolish heart
indeed, this beating black lump located in my chest is foolish. i've dealed and betted with love numerous times, each time different. i've hurt some, i've lost some. however, i can't ever stress enough that none of it was intentional. it's never a good idea to give and take with me, especially with my credulous actions. that's something i'll admit. i never know what i want; unbeliveably indecisive. sometimes i wonder if i'm too picky.
the other day, i laid eyes on someone so implausibly attractive. i haven't seen anyone so breath takenly clean-cut in so long; he was my friend's older brother. i could recall that for the longest time, she was trying to to re-introduce us. when i first walked through her front door, he was sitting at the kitchen table. as i greeted their mother, he gave me an incredulous look. then as a few moments passed by of awkward gawking, he finally said, "you used to come here back in the day, right?" i was astounded. he remembered me from our childhood. growing up, we used to walk to school sometimes. he gave me a half-floundering hug. i was flushed. later on, i learned that he was going to be restationed in North Carolina. but he had just came home from Texas two weeks ago! he's going to stay in NC for 6 months, he won't even be here during the summer. how depressing.
xoxo, josie.
I need a love that grows
I don't want it unless I know
But with each passin' hour
Someone, somehow
Will be there, ready to share
I need a love that's strong
I'm so tired of being alone
But will my lonely heart
Play the part
Of the fool again, before I begin
Foolish heart, hear me calling
Stop before you start falling
Foolish heart, heed my warning
You've been wrong before
Don't be wrong anymore
I'm feelin' that feelin' again
I've been playin' a game I can't win
Love's knockin' on the door
Of my heart once more
Think I'll let him in
Before I begin
Foolish heart, hear me calling
Stop before, you start falling
Foolish heart, heed my warning
You've been wrong before
Don't be wrong anymore
Foolish heart
Foolish, foolish heart
You've been wrong before
Foolish heart, hear me calling
Stop before you start falling
Foolish heart, heed my warning
You've been wrong before
Don't be wrong anymore
Foolish heart
Oh foolish
foolish heart
You've been wrong before
Foolish
foolish heart
Foolish heart
indeed, this beating black lump located in my chest is foolish. i've dealed and betted with love numerous times, each time different. i've hurt some, i've lost some. however, i can't ever stress enough that none of it was intentional. it's never a good idea to give and take with me, especially with my credulous actions. that's something i'll admit. i never know what i want; unbeliveably indecisive. sometimes i wonder if i'm too picky.
the other day, i laid eyes on someone so implausibly attractive. i haven't seen anyone so breath takenly clean-cut in so long; he was my friend's older brother. i could recall that for the longest time, she was trying to to re-introduce us. when i first walked through her front door, he was sitting at the kitchen table. as i greeted their mother, he gave me an incredulous look. then as a few moments passed by of awkward gawking, he finally said, "you used to come here back in the day, right?" i was astounded. he remembered me from our childhood. growing up, we used to walk to school sometimes. he gave me a half-floundering hug. i was flushed. later on, i learned that he was going to be restationed in North Carolina. but he had just came home from Texas two weeks ago! he's going to stay in NC for 6 months, he won't even be here during the summer. how depressing.
xoxo, josie.
Friday, May 15, 2009
i'm just a little bit caught in the middle.
today turned out much better than i expected. i wasn't feeling too good in the morning, so i had to cancel on gorbi for tonight :/ gosh, i feel like such a flake sometimes. anyway, school was such a drag today. it was an unexceptional school day, nothing special today. mmm, well there was some innocent flirting in between classes, but that's another story :) well, lunch was somewhat of a non-inclusion, i caught up with sandy today. goodness, we're alike in so many different ways. but i can't help but feel as if we're drifting apart. we've had our differences and little arguments over the course of the years, but we've grown so much from through and from that.
beyond shadow of doubt, it's finally hitting me that we're graduating in a little less than 13 months. i mean, compared to the seniors graduating in a few weeks, that's nothing. however, to little ol' me, it's so far-fetched that we've beared almost 3 years in this God-forsaken hole they call high school. disagreements that lead to drama with friends, arguments with parents, and more than enough heartbreaks with boys, was it all really worth the trouble? there were so many things that were avoidable.. but i guess in a sense, it was all a learning experience.
howbeit, there was on thing that i didn't get too acquainted with in high school: young love. even in middle school, i managed to fall in love with someone totally unexpected. and as this school year is coming to an end, i loose all hope that i may be able to, someday, fall in love with someone who will love me unconditionally, as i will love them in return. i hate to admit it, but i'm a hopeless romantic. i know, i've had my fair share of mishaps and leading guys on.. but it's all through my naive mind..
FUCK MY PARENTS, no bullshit. if i were to kill myself right now, just to let you two pathetic individuals that call themselves "parents," it would be your guys' fault if i die tonight. so much for supporting me through everything i've wanted to chase after in life. thank you for allowing for me open up my horizons. you ignorant fools, you irrational bastards. thank you father, for beating me to the point to where i was bleeding homecoming night sophomore year with my best friend in the room. thank you, for calling me pregnant because i got fat and calling me a druggie because i wasn't doing my best in school. thank you mother, for crtisizing every little thing i put myself through, and sitting back while my father would abuse me. thank you so much, i can't give you guys enough credit for raising one fucked up daughter.
tonight was stupid. they took my phone away. my father called me stupid, and that it's too late to help me. my mother backed him right up on that, reminding all the shit i put them growing up. guilt tripping ain't going to make your sorry ass look like your the victim here.
wow, an hour as passed since i've written that.. my dad thinks i'm pregnant AGAIN. and i'm not watching angels and demons tonight. i got my phone taken away for a month. i have to go home everyday right after school. man, this sucks. this day did end up in shit. FUCK MY LIFE.
beyond shadow of doubt, it's finally hitting me that we're graduating in a little less than 13 months. i mean, compared to the seniors graduating in a few weeks, that's nothing. however, to little ol' me, it's so far-fetched that we've beared almost 3 years in this God-forsaken hole they call high school. disagreements that lead to drama with friends, arguments with parents, and more than enough heartbreaks with boys, was it all really worth the trouble? there were so many things that were avoidable.. but i guess in a sense, it was all a learning experience.
howbeit, there was on thing that i didn't get too acquainted with in high school: young love. even in middle school, i managed to fall in love with someone totally unexpected. and as this school year is coming to an end, i loose all hope that i may be able to, someday, fall in love with someone who will love me unconditionally, as i will love them in return. i hate to admit it, but i'm a hopeless romantic. i know, i've had my fair share of mishaps and leading guys on.. but it's all through my naive mind..
FUCK MY PARENTS, no bullshit. if i were to kill myself right now, just to let you two pathetic individuals that call themselves "parents," it would be your guys' fault if i die tonight. so much for supporting me through everything i've wanted to chase after in life. thank you for allowing for me open up my horizons. you ignorant fools, you irrational bastards. thank you father, for beating me to the point to where i was bleeding homecoming night sophomore year with my best friend in the room. thank you, for calling me pregnant because i got fat and calling me a druggie because i wasn't doing my best in school. thank you mother, for crtisizing every little thing i put myself through, and sitting back while my father would abuse me. thank you so much, i can't give you guys enough credit for raising one fucked up daughter.
tonight was stupid. they took my phone away. my father called me stupid, and that it's too late to help me. my mother backed him right up on that, reminding all the shit i put them growing up. guilt tripping ain't going to make your sorry ass look like your the victim here.
wow, an hour as passed since i've written that.. my dad thinks i'm pregnant AGAIN. and i'm not watching angels and demons tonight. i got my phone taken away for a month. i have to go home everyday right after school. man, this sucks. this day did end up in shit. FUCK MY LIFE.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
what up blogspot.
before i drifted away to sleep last night, i pondered the hour away.
i kept thinking about who i was before. i laid in bed reminiscing when i was instantly attracted to any guy who gave me the slightest attention. i used to try SO hard, in an act of desperation. i think it might have to do with the fact that i used to be so insecure and discontented with myself. anyway, and then that led to think when i was trying to "change" from that. haha. gosh, was that a bust! i took the guy who was most convenient to me, and tried to force myself to fall in love with him. all that resulted in was dissatisfication, a broken heart, and an entire summer wasted (it actually was last summer). i wasted a perfectly good friendship, someone who was always there for me. i hate to admit it, but i kinda miss talking to him.
and NOW, i just don't seem to care. putting my heart on the line of lust is so blasé now, i'm kinda letting it sit there, collecting dust. i lead guys on for the attention that captivates the moment, but then it diminishes and i move on. i can honestly say i've met a few good guys lately for once, i'm just.. uninterested for once. actually, they're annoying as FUCK. haha. i mean, yeah, it's a good thing that i don't see every guy as a potential boyfriend anymore, but it kinda bores me. now, the attention that i receive from guys' kinda suffocates me, i don't take any of it to heart.
it's once in a blue moon where i find someone that genuinely interests me. and more often than not, he's a fuckin' player.
i'm the girl your momma told you to stay away from :)
xoxo, josie.
i kept thinking about who i was before. i laid in bed reminiscing when i was instantly attracted to any guy who gave me the slightest attention. i used to try SO hard, in an act of desperation. i think it might have to do with the fact that i used to be so insecure and discontented with myself. anyway, and then that led to think when i was trying to "change" from that. haha. gosh, was that a bust! i took the guy who was most convenient to me, and tried to force myself to fall in love with him. all that resulted in was dissatisfication, a broken heart, and an entire summer wasted (it actually was last summer). i wasted a perfectly good friendship, someone who was always there for me. i hate to admit it, but i kinda miss talking to him.
and NOW, i just don't seem to care. putting my heart on the line of lust is so blasé now, i'm kinda letting it sit there, collecting dust. i lead guys on for the attention that captivates the moment, but then it diminishes and i move on. i can honestly say i've met a few good guys lately for once, i'm just.. uninterested for once. actually, they're annoying as FUCK. haha. i mean, yeah, it's a good thing that i don't see every guy as a potential boyfriend anymore, but it kinda bores me. now, the attention that i receive from guys' kinda suffocates me, i don't take any of it to heart.
it's once in a blue moon where i find someone that genuinely interests me. and more often than not, he's a fuckin' player.
i'm the girl your momma told you to stay away from :)
xoxo, josie.
Monday, May 11, 2009
"nigga, blog it out."
it leaves me in utter astonishment in how i still manage to have this strong embrace of feelings that hurt me a million and one times. it's leaves me even more astonishment that it's never going to change. i'm always going to want and yearn for something that i will never have in my possession again.. not that it was ever mine in the first place. but i can't help but ask myself, why? why was it so different with you? believe me-- i'm not the one to develop feelings for someone so vigorously. but for once, your ass got me on my toes.
i honestly thought i got over it. i was happy on my own two feet for a while, just having fun. but then i stopped and looked over at my old phone and thought about what i was going through before i had broken it.. and it just lead to a series of estranged thoughts that i thought that i had erased completely out of my memory. but that's far beyond my capacity, i should've known that it'd come back to haunt me eventually.
ridiculous. i miss you so unbelievably much. i want a fucking time machine, damn it.
xoxo, josie.
i honestly thought i got over it. i was happy on my own two feet for a while, just having fun. but then i stopped and looked over at my old phone and thought about what i was going through before i had broken it.. and it just lead to a series of estranged thoughts that i thought that i had erased completely out of my memory. but that's far beyond my capacity, i should've known that it'd come back to haunt me eventually.
ridiculous. i miss you so unbelievably much. i want a fucking time machine, damn it.
xoxo, josie.
just an update.
WOW, have i been happier lately! things have been looking on the brightside for me; i'm so glad. it doesn't necessarily mean that things have been going my way. i'm just looking forward to more things, i'm actually looking forward to summer school! i might be taking government and econ at either pomona high or chs. ohhh, and i'm taking the SAT's again, at damien this time, because it was full at chs. i would've taken it at montclair, except i didn't wanna take it by myself! so i'm taking it with tiffany and theresa (: i swear, i'm always mixing you two up!
i went to the fiesta this last weekend, i actually i enjoyed myself. sorry for the negative comments though, i was just in a pissy mood because i was just thinking what if.. but they were just silly thoughts (: i won two fishes, lol! and a big blow up hammer.. haha.
well, a good friend of mine and her boyfriend recently broken up, and i feel that now since they aren't together, her ex is being much meaner to me. he's insulting me much more and it hurts. it hurt to the point to where i wanted to cry in front of all our friends, but i managed to hold back.
well, back on a happier note, haha. what else can i catch you guys up on? oh, i'm boy free i guess. well, not really i lie. haha. i guess there are a few guys who i'm just getting to know, but really, i'm not interested in anyway. it's actually a good feeling, i'm not being pulled down any hurt feelings like i was in the past couple of months by a certain someone. well i lie again. haha there is one guy who i have my eye on, but i'm just keeping that low key right now; i don't want it to be a big mess.
i guess that's it, sorry it's just a bunch of rambled thoughts and i'm sure it doesn't make much sense.
xoxo, josie
ps- follow me on twitter!
www.twitter.com/uhmjosie
i went to the fiesta this last weekend, i actually i enjoyed myself. sorry for the negative comments though, i was just in a pissy mood because i was just thinking what if.. but they were just silly thoughts (: i won two fishes, lol! and a big blow up hammer.. haha.
well, a good friend of mine and her boyfriend recently broken up, and i feel that now since they aren't together, her ex is being much meaner to me. he's insulting me much more and it hurts. it hurt to the point to where i wanted to cry in front of all our friends, but i managed to hold back.
well, back on a happier note, haha. what else can i catch you guys up on? oh, i'm boy free i guess. well, not really i lie. haha. i guess there are a few guys who i'm just getting to know, but really, i'm not interested in anyway. it's actually a good feeling, i'm not being pulled down any hurt feelings like i was in the past couple of months by a certain someone. well i lie again. haha there is one guy who i have my eye on, but i'm just keeping that low key right now; i don't want it to be a big mess.
i guess that's it, sorry it's just a bunch of rambled thoughts and i'm sure it doesn't make much sense.
xoxo, josie
ps- follow me on twitter!
www.twitter.com/uhmjosie
Friday, May 1, 2009
GOOD BYE CALIFORNIA,
hello arizona! yess, here i am. it's unbelievably hot though! thank goodness for air conditioning. we're waiting here at melisa's cousin's house, antonio, while her aunt, grandma, and mother come back from the casino. but that's going to take hours, even though they only have about 75 bucks on them. well, that's it for now folks.
xoxo, josie.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
erased
just before i was drifting away to sleep last night, i promised myself one thing: for you to be erased out of my life. not just erased, in a sense that we don't talk anymore. but erased; i'll get over you. but i guess that was your cue to come back. just when i least expected it, you texted me. honestly, my heart skipped a beat. ask anh, haha. please, let it be a goodbye tonight.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
nostalgia's a bitch.
i miss talking to you. i liked how you were just a call or text away. it was nice while you were here. you kept me busy for a while. and now there's nothing left. diminished. nothing but a mere memory.
it would make it so much easier if you didn't have such a good grasp on words. you know just what to say at just the right times. you kept me at my tippy-toes at all times, and i, ignorant enough, lingered to the end. you're just a guilty pleasure. it's going to hurt me more if i don't try to erase you out of my life now, because i'm always going to want you for all the wrong reasons.
and i'm trying. i really am. please hear me out.
xoxo, josie.
it would make it so much easier if you didn't have such a good grasp on words. you know just what to say at just the right times. you kept me at my tippy-toes at all times, and i, ignorant enough, lingered to the end. you're just a guilty pleasure. it's going to hurt me more if i don't try to erase you out of my life now, because i'm always going to want you for all the wrong reasons.
and i'm trying. i really am. please hear me out.
xoxo, josie.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
ps: it's a letter.
looking back to a year ago, i would have never thought it'd come to this.
hi. it's been a little over a month since we've stopped talking. and i thought i couldn't ever bring myself to ever genuinely like anyone that much ever again. well, nothing's impossible. for more than a month, i was completely infatuated with you. you were here for me when tommy wasn't and through that, i slowly allowed my heart to open up again. even though i knew you were talking to other girls and i had my own boyfriend, i ignored that fact and put it in the back of my mind. because this natural high felt so good, but whatever comes up, must come down. i looked forward to your texts every morning and it kept me pretty occupied throughout the day. and if i were lucky, you would call me later that night. i enjoyed our talks. you were so pensive, unlike all the other guys i've been involved with in the past and that had failed to show me how a good guy is supposed to treat une autre fille.
you broke my heart. and for this i hate you. i hate you how dress so nicely and how good you look in simply jeans and vans. i hate how big your eyes were without those crooked framed glasses. i hate how vivid everything is from our first date. i hate how you can sing so beautifully and how you have such a suave way of words. i hate how you're still in love with her. i hate how soft and passionate your lips are. i hate how i will never forget when you first kissed me, because i waited nearly a year for that kiss. i hate you how you left me when i needed you the most; when you said you'd never leave me.
yet however, i thank you. you showed me how a guy is supposed to treat another girl. you taught me that games don't have to be involved when it comes to attracting another person. you knew when i was lying to myself and kept me in reality. you were so kind to me at my lowest points and on my worst days. for a while, you had me changed for the better. you kept me on ground zero and calmed me down just by speaking, your voice was always so soft.
i guess our story is sealed from here on, because i know i won't be able to put through this one more time. because like i said before, this isn't the first time i had feelings for you. and cette fois, was much harder. for many different reasons. and it's going to hard to let go of this grasp i have, but i should let go. and i hope one day we'll be able to be just friends, because even you said so yourself, haha, we're in a strange 'relationship' aren't we josie?
and for all the little reasons in between, i'm going to miss you.
xoxo, josie.
hi. it's been a little over a month since we've stopped talking. and i thought i couldn't ever bring myself to ever genuinely like anyone that much ever again. well, nothing's impossible. for more than a month, i was completely infatuated with you. you were here for me when tommy wasn't and through that, i slowly allowed my heart to open up again. even though i knew you were talking to other girls and i had my own boyfriend, i ignored that fact and put it in the back of my mind. because this natural high felt so good, but whatever comes up, must come down. i looked forward to your texts every morning and it kept me pretty occupied throughout the day. and if i were lucky, you would call me later that night. i enjoyed our talks. you were so pensive, unlike all the other guys i've been involved with in the past and that had failed to show me how a good guy is supposed to treat une autre fille.
you broke my heart. and for this i hate you. i hate you how dress so nicely and how good you look in simply jeans and vans. i hate how big your eyes were without those crooked framed glasses. i hate how vivid everything is from our first date. i hate how you can sing so beautifully and how you have such a suave way of words. i hate how you're still in love with her. i hate how soft and passionate your lips are. i hate how i will never forget when you first kissed me, because i waited nearly a year for that kiss. i hate you how you left me when i needed you the most; when you said you'd never leave me.
yet however, i thank you. you showed me how a guy is supposed to treat another girl. you taught me that games don't have to be involved when it comes to attracting another person. you knew when i was lying to myself and kept me in reality. you were so kind to me at my lowest points and on my worst days. for a while, you had me changed for the better. you kept me on ground zero and calmed me down just by speaking, your voice was always so soft.
i guess our story is sealed from here on, because i know i won't be able to put through this one more time. because like i said before, this isn't the first time i had feelings for you. and cette fois, was much harder. for many different reasons. and it's going to hard to let go of this grasp i have, but i should let go. and i hope one day we'll be able to be just friends, because even you said so yourself, haha, we're in a strange 'relationship' aren't we josie?
and for all the little reasons in between, i'm going to miss you.
xoxo, josie.
4/20
a day wasted on drugs, though i did not personally do them myself. HOWEVER, i did make a huge mistake that day.
truly an emotional striken day, so many thoughts were running through my head. just imagine if the car was driving any faster.. even though she had claimed she was slowing down as we were turning. i don't believe her. i just kept replaying the crash over and over in my head, each time, worse as my imagination kept growing wilder. i couldn't sleep that night. it didn't help that i was under the influence.. i woke up with an intense hang over in the morning :/i skipped school that following tuesday. but honestly, my life could've ended right there on indian hill and baseline with a stupid mistake that the THREE OF US MADE. i'm so tired of everyone else blaming each other.. we were all at fault, no one should take the heavier blame. though we were all punished differently, i am relieved to say i got off the easiest. but there's that guilt in the back of my mind that will never be erased. so usually my group of friends don't ever had drama, we all get along fairly well. but this whole thing has created so much friction within my girls, and i feel like i'm caught up right in the middle of it. like i don't need this right now. i'm getting caught up my own shit, partying and getting fucked up and i have decided that i'm going to quit drinking. YESS;; i have said that many times before, but i am going to stick through it. just for the fact that drinking a few shots had almost cost me my life. i kept replaying in my head, what if i never came home that day? that morning my mom had dropped me off at school, with my two younger brothers in the backseat could've been the lasttime i've seen them.. that was a scary thought. i think that's what kept the tears running at the scene.
i need to go backto pomona high. i hate claremont sooo unbelievably much. i wanna go back to pomona and finish up my senior year with all my REAL friends, instead of those fake ass bitches at claremont. tired of everyone's bullshit.
another rambling thought: i'm SOOO stressed, AP tests, SAT's, star testing (a waste of time, california), ACT's. it's so much money i have to spend just so i get into a good college. i know for a while i was saying how i wanted to attend a community college after i graduated, but i decided not to. why? because my parents paid sooo much for my stuff for school. like SAT prep classes (that were a waste of money), endless SAT and AP books, and little things on the side. so i'm not putting any of that to waste. but my freakin' mom won't shut up about which college to attend, and i can't help and snap back. it's not that i don't appreciate it, but it's not like she's going to college; I AM.
i think i might have insomnia. PEACE.
so i'm following kevin on here:
nahnahaniX (1:12:54 PM) : its like a diary no homo
xoxo, josie.
truly an emotional striken day, so many thoughts were running through my head. just imagine if the car was driving any faster.. even though she had claimed she was slowing down as we were turning. i don't believe her. i just kept replaying the crash over and over in my head, each time, worse as my imagination kept growing wilder. i couldn't sleep that night. it didn't help that i was under the influence.. i woke up with an intense hang over in the morning :/i skipped school that following tuesday. but honestly, my life could've ended right there on indian hill and baseline with a stupid mistake that the THREE OF US MADE. i'm so tired of everyone else blaming each other.. we were all at fault, no one should take the heavier blame. though we were all punished differently, i am relieved to say i got off the easiest. but there's that guilt in the back of my mind that will never be erased. so usually my group of friends don't ever had drama, we all get along fairly well. but this whole thing has created so much friction within my girls, and i feel like i'm caught up right in the middle of it. like i don't need this right now. i'm getting caught up my own shit, partying and getting fucked up and i have decided that i'm going to quit drinking. YESS;; i have said that many times before, but i am going to stick through it. just for the fact that drinking a few shots had almost cost me my life. i kept replaying in my head, what if i never came home that day? that morning my mom had dropped me off at school, with my two younger brothers in the backseat could've been the lasttime i've seen them.. that was a scary thought. i think that's what kept the tears running at the scene.
i need to go backto pomona high. i hate claremont sooo unbelievably much. i wanna go back to pomona and finish up my senior year with all my REAL friends, instead of those fake ass bitches at claremont. tired of everyone's bullshit.
another rambling thought: i'm SOOO stressed, AP tests, SAT's, star testing (a waste of time, california), ACT's. it's so much money i have to spend just so i get into a good college. i know for a while i was saying how i wanted to attend a community college after i graduated, but i decided not to. why? because my parents paid sooo much for my stuff for school. like SAT prep classes (that were a waste of money), endless SAT and AP books, and little things on the side. so i'm not putting any of that to waste. but my freakin' mom won't shut up about which college to attend, and i can't help and snap back. it's not that i don't appreciate it, but it's not like she's going to college; I AM.
i think i might have insomnia. PEACE.
so i'm following kevin on here:
nahnahaniX
xoxo, josie.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
fre$h start.
ha, so i forgot my password for my other blog and it's much too complicated to try to retrieve the password.
so i guess i'll start anew with a new blog! (:
SOOO basically, spring break is just about ending and i go back to school tomorrow. i'm not excited whatsoever. but there's only 9 weeks of school left! then i have summer school, which i am NOT looking forward too. but i know i'd rather be doing that than staying at home like a loser. AND THEN SENIOR PICTURES! gosh, freshmen year doesn't even seem that long ago. haha, looking back, i was such a dumb ass, but that's a whole nother story.
spring break summed up: it was okay. i expected more. but i guess it was a week of relaxation with no rush. i even finished all my homework sunday and monday nights so i can really have a break from school and all of that. there were two nights, in particular, where i had stayed at home. i stayed at home friday and saturday nights and it was gaaaaaaaay. i just did a lot of thinking and it was driving me insane. :/ fucking gay, i sweaaar.
mmm, so i kinda got a rude awakening last night, when i was on the phone with lisa. i truly hit rock bottom. who the fuck is this JOEY HOANG? mmm, some faggot, who seems too much of a creeper and needs to get a life. he KNEW damn well that i was 16, yet that didn't seem to have stopped him. so as of right now, i'm going to be interested in any guy. especially with school starting again. i need all my attention geared towards school, with no distractions.
xoxo, josie.
so i guess i'll start anew with a new blog! (:
SOOO basically, spring break is just about ending and i go back to school tomorrow. i'm not excited whatsoever. but there's only 9 weeks of school left! then i have summer school, which i am NOT looking forward too. but i know i'd rather be doing that than staying at home like a loser. AND THEN SENIOR PICTURES! gosh, freshmen year doesn't even seem that long ago. haha, looking back, i was such a dumb ass, but that's a whole nother story.
spring break summed up: it was okay. i expected more. but i guess it was a week of relaxation with no rush. i even finished all my homework sunday and monday nights so i can really have a break from school and all of that. there were two nights, in particular, where i had stayed at home. i stayed at home friday and saturday nights and it was gaaaaaaaay. i just did a lot of thinking and it was driving me insane. :/ fucking gay, i sweaaar.
mmm, so i kinda got a rude awakening last night, when i was on the phone with lisa. i truly hit rock bottom. who the fuck is this JOEY HOANG? mmm, some faggot, who seems too much of a creeper and needs to get a life. he KNEW damn well that i was 16, yet that didn't seem to have stopped him. so as of right now, i'm going to be interested in any guy. especially with school starting again. i need all my attention geared towards school, with no distractions.
xoxo, josie.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
