i'm just a little bit caught in the middle.

today turned out much better than i expected. i wasn't feeling too good in the morning, so i had to cancel on gorbi for tonight :/ gosh, i feel like such a flake sometimes. anyway, school was such a drag today. it was an unexceptional school day, nothing special today. mmm, well there was some innocent flirting in between classes, but that's another story :) well, lunch was somewhat of a non-inclusion, i caught up with sandy today. goodness, we're alike in so many different ways. but i can't help but feel as if we're drifting apart. we've had our differences and little arguments over the course of the years, but we've grown so much from through and from that.

beyond shadow of doubt, it's finally hitting me that we're graduating in a little less than 13 months. i mean, compared to the seniors graduating in a few weeks, that's nothing. however, to little ol' me, it's so far-fetched that we've beared almost 3 years in this God-forsaken hole they call high school. disagreements that lead to drama with friends, arguments with parents, and more than enough heartbreaks with boys, was it all really worth the trouble? there were so many things that were avoidable.. but i guess in a sense, it was all a learning experience.

howbeit, there was on thing that i didn't get too acquainted with in high school: young love. even in middle school, i managed to fall in love with someone totally unexpected. and as this school year is coming to an end, i loose all hope that i may be able to, someday, fall in love with someone who will love me unconditionally, as i will love them in return. i hate to admit it, but i'm a hopeless romantic. i know, i've had my fair share of mishaps and leading guys on.. but it's all through my naive mind..

FUCK MY PARENTS, no bullshit. if i were to kill myself right now, just to let you two pathetic individuals that call themselves "parents," it would be your guys' fault if i die tonight. so much for supporting me through everything i've wanted to chase after in life. thank you for allowing for me open up my horizons. you ignorant fools, you irrational bastards. thank you father, for beating me to the point to where i was bleeding homecoming night sophomore year with my best friend in the room. thank you, for calling me pregnant because i got fat and calling me a druggie because i wasn't doing my best in school. thank you mother, for crtisizing every little thing i put myself through, and sitting back while my father would abuse me. thank you so much, i can't give you guys enough credit for raising one fucked up daughter.

tonight was stupid. they took my phone away. my father called me stupid, and that it's too late to help me. my mother backed him right up on that, reminding all the shit i put them growing up. guilt tripping ain't going to make your sorry ass look like your the victim here.

wow, an hour as passed since i've written that.. my dad thinks i'm pregnant AGAIN. and i'm not watching angels and demons tonight. i got my phone taken away for a month. i have to go home everyday right after school. man, this sucks. this day did end up in shit. FUCK MY LIFE.