relationshps

i was thinking about relationships earlier.. like i look at couples and i see how they're so lovey dovey with each other, but yet they still act like friends; best friends for the matter. why is it that when i think back to my last relationship i didn't see any of that? and the sad thing is that i can't imagine myself managing a healthy balance between a physical and mental relationship. maybe because in the past, whenever i've liked guys it was always in the emotional state, and i grew too comfortable with them to the point where if i got physical with them in the least bit, i got disgusted. and here i am, always complaining about never finding a good guy.. is it really me that is at fault? or maybe i just haven't found someone who is willing to be committed to both elements of a health relationship. or maybe i just ask for too much. but shouldn't i expect a lot? instead of ending up with some low-life creep.. right? why do i question myself so much -__-

i always push the good guys away.

xoxo, josie.

uhm

cheers to a summer with nothing but good, clean fun with my favorite girls.
i swear, no more hooking up, no more boys.

anyways, thank you to ANH PHUONG PHAM and TRUC TIFFANY NGUYEN! for slowly helping me get through this.. you two are the sweetest girls alive and i love you both so dearly <3

don't forget, dinner and movies at my place tomorrow!

xoxo, josie
ps- i'm going to start wearing less makeup. it's taking too long to get ready in the morning.. nigga just you watch -_-

at brogan's

so brogan and melisa are in her room, waiting for her phone to charge.. then we're gonna go to melisa's and make mocha freezes :)

brogan and i were talking just now. we had this long, serious conversation about guys. how they're so sweet to you at first, and as soon as they know you're wrapped around the tip of your finger, they immediately drop the act. she talked about eddie and jairo; and i talked about.. yeah. i love how she covers up herself, how she acts so strong, like no one gets to her. but then when we really get talking, you know right away she's just a girl. who gets hurt over little things that the boys we like do. she went on a little about how much of an asshole eddie is. and i don't even know the nigga, but i've heard SO much about him in the past year, i'm about ready to kill the bitch. anyway.. then i went on a little about.. yeah. i kept bitching and moaning about how badly i wanna talk to him, even though i know that if i do i'm just going to cuss him out. but.. as feeble and pitiful as this sounds, i just want to hear his voice. see how desperate i've gotten? i mean really, i guess i've just got to stay strong and get through this, after all, i've been able to get through it before.

then we went on a little bit about boyfriends. how she's afraid of rejection; so am i. that's honestly my biggest fear in life, along with failure. and rejection doesn't limit at just boys. it can be with school, family, friends.. which is why brogan hasn't had a boyfriend. but honestly, she's gorgeous, and with that, she has a great personality. eddie was a fool not to choose her. instead, he chose some fat bitch, who's being played! anyway, she also added how she was surprised how quickly i got over tommy. haha, it's because i didn't give a fuck about him. yeahh..

anyway, i don't even know if i'm going to oakland this weekend. my mom said that she doesn't want me to go because i have school on monday and she thinks that i'm going to stay home because i'm tired or sick or something. and i'm like kjdhf;ldf;kadjladslfjasdf. i was so pissed. i wanna see anthony so bad, it's not even funny anymore. i haven't seen him since february! i miss the shit out of that fucker.

anyway, were going back to melisa's now to make our freezes. haha :) i love my pomona friends.

brogan estelle mullen - "don't give in. because if you do, whatever you said, didn't mean anything."

xoxo, josie.

ps- "it better say something about how much you love me in that blog" - melisa. hahahaha

pps- I GOT MY PERMIT BITCHES! :D

OH WOW

i'm reading all my old blogs about him. i feel pretty dumb, hahaha. you are THE COMPLETE opposite of who i thought you were. thanks for lying to me.

xoxo, josie.

FUCK MY LIFE.

and as i'm writing this i'm crying. omfg i haven't been this hurt about anyone in sooooooo long. i don't remember the last time i've felt this unbearable feeling.. i can't remember the last time i felt so emotionally dependant on a guy :[ like it's not like all the other, where i'll be like, wow i want him. but this is different; i actually NEED this.

i know a lot of people are getting tired of me moping around this guy (who doesn't care about me, and just looks at me as someone to hook up with) but omg.. i'm so pathetic.. he's never ever going to wnat me in that way and i don't understand why that doesn't hit me. that he doens't want me. that he's only going to look at me as bootycall.. no one who will ever be serious enough for him.

>:[

i'm at melisa's and she's sleeping -_- i'm ridiculously tired, i wanna go home so i can shower and get this stupid smell off of me >:[

i'm so fed up with this.

more than fed up.
fuck this.

last day

last day was today. i didn't even go to my apush final, i hung out with adam (: and then walked around with my girls until christian came to pick me up. we watched twilight and then went to sanamluang. and he dropped me off at mi casa. and now i think i'm gonna take a nap and head over to melisa's and have a girls' night in with her and brogan (:<3

wait change of plans.. i'm going over to brogan's right now, SHE'S FEEDING ME :D

summer's starting off just dandy!

i'll update when i come home tonight<3

at tiffany's

i don't usually like to rant about my day, but there's nothing that i wanna talk about specifically. so yeah TODAY. lol

today's been pretty hectic, with SAT's and all. left my house around 6:45 and got to tiffany's around 7 and had breakfast here. checked in at damien at about 8 and didn't get settled in until 9. got out at 1 (i did SOOO bad). and then tommy picked up theresa, tiffany, and me and we ate at wingstop in san dimas, i believe. his driving is INSANE -___- but i guess we had fun, lol. he took off his steering wheel! HAHAH tiffany and i were freaking out in the back, and theresa was all pissy. haha they're a cute couple.

then we kinda chilled at tiff's for a little before heading to OLA. i never realized how many people form claremont actually attended there for the evening mass, other than the vietnamese community that usually go for the sunday morning masses. then i get a tweet from indah saying how she's gonna be in pomona! but i'm going to be at tiff's for a while tonight since theresa's mom is my ride home, and we're all having pho tonight :)

the nguyens remind me so much of my family. i feel at home and secured here (especially with that new security system, HA). tiffany and theresa remind me of a tanner version of lisa and i. i'm glad i met tiffany this year, i love our random conversations and food cravings.. and our measurement chart, comparing, ahem..

so basically, all left for tonight is that indah might come over after i get home, since she's gonna be in pomona! :D

what an amazing day :) i just hope my dad isn't pissy when i get home, since he usually is. maybe he went out to play ma chut tonight!

i'm glad that i'm finally picking up the friendships that have been slipping out between the cracks of my fingers in the past couple of weeks, because i've been so stressed with school and all. i finally finished my ap comp research paper (12 pages, wsup!) including my visual, and it looks decent, for once. and my group finished our apush final, the video documentary, that we spent so much time on, and i'm very proud of it :) all that's left is presentations. and my senioritis has reached an all time high; i ditched at least one period everyday last week. on friday, i didn't go to third or fifth friday.

friday was actually a fun day as well, i watched up with anh, lisa, tiffany, theresa, tommy, tony, valerie, and henry. haha the wholllle gang, minus tiffany, theresa and anh :) it was fun, then we took the kids out to eat at pizza n such..

yeah so that was weekend thus far!

<3>

wow

i seriously hate sprankle with a passion right now, that's all tiara, spencer, and i kept talking about today. 

it's 11:27 and i'm still at tiara's trying to put together the video -____________-

at least tomorrow's wednesday..

xoxoxoxoxoxxox and lots of cofffee, josie.