4/20

a day wasted on drugs, though i did not personally do them myself. HOWEVER, i did make a huge mistake that day.

truly an emotional striken day, so many thoughts were running through my head. just imagine if the car was driving any faster.. even though she had claimed she was slowing down as we were turning. i don't believe her. i just kept replaying the crash over and over in my head, each time, worse as my imagination kept growing wilder. i couldn't sleep that night. it didn't help that i was under the influence.. i woke up with an intense hang over in the morning :/i skipped school that following tuesday. but honestly, my life could've ended right there on indian hill and baseline with a stupid mistake that the THREE OF US MADE. i'm so tired of everyone else blaming each other.. we were all at fault, no one should take the heavier blame. though we were all punished differently, i am relieved to say i got off the easiest. but there's that guilt in the back of my mind that will never be erased. so usually my group of friends don't ever had drama, we all get along fairly well. but this whole thing has created so much friction within my girls, and i feel like i'm caught up right in the middle of it. like i don't need this right now. i'm getting caught up my own shit, partying and getting fucked up and i have decided that i'm going to quit drinking. YESS;; i have said that many times before, but i am going to stick through it. just for the fact that drinking a few shots had almost cost me my life. i kept replaying in my head, what if i never came home that day? that morning my mom had dropped me off at school, with my two younger brothers in the backseat could've been the lasttime i've seen them.. that was a scary thought. i think that's what kept the tears running at the scene.

i need to go backto pomona high. i hate claremont sooo unbelievably much. i wanna go back to pomona and finish up my senior year with all my REAL friends, instead of those fake ass bitches at claremont. tired of everyone's bullshit.

another rambling thought: i'm SOOO stressed, AP tests, SAT's, star testing (a waste of time, california), ACT's. it's so much money i have to spend just so i get into a good college. i know for a while i was saying how i wanted to attend a community college after i graduated, but i decided not to. why? because my parents paid sooo much for my stuff for school. like SAT prep classes (that were a waste of money), endless SAT and AP books, and little things on the side. so i'm not putting any of that to waste. but my freakin' mom won't shut up about which college to attend, and i can't help and snap back. it's not that i don't appreciate it, but it's not like she's going to college; I AM.

i think i might have insomnia. PEACE.




so i'm following kevin on here:
nahnahaniX (1:12:54 PM): its like a diary no homo

xoxo, josie.