idk why

tonight's been really depressing. i had a good afternoon though - i hung out with trung, dang, kevin and tiffany.. oh and tommy. we went bowling and mix bowl afterwards. it wasn't until a couple of hours ago where i've been emotional.

usually she will be loved by maroon 5 puts me in a good mood, but it's different tonight. i keep playing it over and over again, and it makes me wanna cry more and more everytime. i had a high for a couple of seconds though; when my mom said she'd take my brother and me to the shoppes tomorrow on her day off.

and last night.. was when i realized that i do love my dad. i was getting worried by the fact that he wouldn't answer anyone's phone calls and wouldn't call anyone back. i was scared that something had happened to him. as much as i say i hate him, i do love him.. i just have a hard time expressing it because i've always had this weird fear with him loving me back, but in the wrong way. i think it's because of the way he's looked at me the past several years - a menacing look with eyes full of scorn and sexual intimacy. and i think that's the reason why i find it difficult communicating with him.. which explains why we don't the best relationship around.

oh and i hate acting on my emotions.. whenever i'm pissed off, i'm pissed at EVERYONE. i always manage to find something negative about the person, whether if it's happened recently or if it's happened forever ago.

MAAAAAAN, FML.